I like my introduction and how I plan out what I’m going to talk about in it, but if you have advise on improving it I’d love to hear it. The first body paragraph is a general summary of what I’ll put in the final draft, and I’ll be adding quotes and details to that paragraph. In terms of content and ideas I like this paragraph as well. Any comments on improving the content is welcome, but I mostly have a pretty good idea of what detail I’ll be adding here.
Its when I got to the second paragraph that my draft kind of fell apart. I couldn’t really coherently go over the details of what I wanted to talk about while knowing that I was running out of space for the draft, so I didn’t include as much detail and as a result ideas behind the details got muddled. I’m not sure if I was able to coherently include what I wanted to talk about, but I’d love advice on how to better incorporate the structure I had in the intro into the second and third body paragraphs. The conclusion seems off to me as well, probably a result of how bogged up I got on the two paragraphs before it. I’m just not very good at writing rough drafts that are half the size of the final draft.
Also sorry I got this in so late, my computer stopped working so I had to go to the library to turn this in.
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